go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
