How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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