two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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