He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She even gives head with a lisp.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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