my mouth tastes like poor choices
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
