hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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