that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
