How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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