addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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