I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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