well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
