He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
