There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
