redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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