ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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