hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was like eating out sand paper
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
