we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
