Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
