I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
