This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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