then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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