Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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