Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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