so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
