theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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