I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
