i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
