I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Quick, to the slutcave!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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