Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
