It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
