I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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