I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
