A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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