i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
