so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
50% drunk capacity currently
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
