I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
