If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Still dying that you shit outside
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
