You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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