On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
