I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
a search helicopter?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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