I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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