it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
