the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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