I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
