too bad you live with your parents still
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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