I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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