also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
