if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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