i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
