You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
