Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
