Me too!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
