i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
