My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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