He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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