Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize