i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
