he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
