this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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