i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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