my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
