obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
