he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
