I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
