I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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