I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
