the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
