It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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