I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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