he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
