umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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